The Comparison Trap: Living in the Age of Digital Envy

Have you ever caught yourself asking, “What am I doing with my life?” after seeing someone else’s post? Maybe it was a friend’s vacation photos, a peer’s career milestone, or a stranger’s perfect aesthetic. You’re happy for them. But somewhere inside, a whisper says, “Why not me?” That creeping feeling? It’s called digital envy and it’s quietly shaping how we think, feel, and live. But what exactly is digital envy, and why is it affecting our mental health, relationships, and even our sense of self-worth?

What Exactly Is Digital Envy?

Digital envy is the emotional discomfort or jealousy we feel when comparing our lives to the carefully curated, highlight-filled versions of others’ lives on social media. Unlike traditional envy, which arises in real-life settings, digital envy is constantly present, accessible any time we open an app. It thrives in a world of filters, milestones, and metrics like likes, comments, and followers. This kind of comparison can quietly erode our self-esteem, making us feel like we’re not doing enough or falling behind. Over time, digital envy can lead to increased anxiety, low mood, strained relationships, and a distorted sense of self-worth, as we begin to base our value on how we measure up to the lives we see online. This emotion is so common yet so rarely spoken about because it hides under layers of admiration, aspiration, and casual scrolling. Many people feel guilty for experiencing envy. Since it’s an emotion we associate with negativity or selfishness, we push it aside or deny it only allowing it to quietly impact our mood and self-esteem.

The Science Behind It

Over time, digital envy can take a psychological toll. Research has found that frequent upward comparisons on social networking sites like seeing someone more successful or attractive often lead to envy, which in turn contributes to depression. In several studies, envy wasn’t just a side effect; it was the bridge between comparison and emotional distress. Interestingly, the pattern works in reverse too. People already feeling low are more likely to engage in comparisons, which then deepen their negative feelings creating a feedback loop. Traits like low self-esteem, neuroticism, and poor relationship satisfaction make this effect even stronger. Adding to this, research has also shown that social media triggers both benign envy (motivating) and malicious envy (resentful). While benign envy may push us to improve, malicious envy often leads to withdrawal, fake positivity, or internal bitterness. The filtered, highlight-reel nature of social media tends to amplify this darker form.

How to Cope with Digital Envy

However, digital envy doesn’t have to control our lives. Like any emotional response, it can be acknowledged and managed. One of the first steps is curating your digital space by being intentional about what and who you follow. Ask yourself: Does this content inspire me or make me feel worse about myself? If it’s the latter, it might be time to unfollow or mute. Another strategy is limiting screen time. Social media detoxes, app timers, or even setting specific times of day for online use can reduce exposure and improve mental clarity. Practicing gratitude is also key. By actively focusing on the positive aspects of your own life, you can shift the focus from what you lack to what you already have. Moreover, it’s important to open up conversations about digital envy. We’re all navigating the same digital world, and chances are, the people around you have felt similar emotions. Talking about it breaks the illusion that everyone else is immune. And finally, remind yourself often that social media is not reality. It’s a polished version often with filters, editing, and selective sharing. Everyone has struggles, off days, and failures, even if they’re not posted online. In conclusion, digital envy is one of the most widespread yet overlooked emotional challenges of our time. It affects how we think, feel, and interact not only with others, but with ourselves. Recognizing it for what it is is the first step toward reclaiming our peace of mind. The next time you catch yourself comparing your life to someone’s post, pause and ask: Is this their truth or just their best moment? Because real life, with all its messiness, is far richer than any digital feed could ever be.

Author: Harshitha Murali, Counselling Psychologist, Intern @ Kyts

Reference

Wu, J., & Srite, M. (2020). Envy on social media: The good, the bad and the ugly. International Journal of Information Management, 56, 102255. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijinfomgt.2020.102255

Carraturo, F., Di Perna, T., Giannicola, V., Nacchia, M. A., Pepe, M., Muzii, B., Bottone, M., Sperandeo, R., Bochicchio, V., Maldonato, N. M., & Scandurra, C. (2023). Envy, Social Comparison, and Depression on Social Networking Sites: A Systematic review. European Journal of Investigation in Health Psychology and Education, 13(2), 364–376. https://doi.org/10.3390/ejihpe13020027